Online Dating - A Fair Of Love
Wednesday, March 31, 2004
I'm Nervous!!
I received an email saying that they were very nervous about joining an online dating service. I wanted to talk about this here as well.
The idea of searching for a relationship/love connection can be very un-nerving. One of the wonderful things about online dating services is that once you join up, create your profile and put your picture up (by all means do this!) you have the opportunity to 'go shopping'. Now I don't want this statement to sound like I mean a "meat market" because that is not my intention. What it does mean is that you can view many profiles/pictures before you ever venture out into the 'connecting' world.
Take your time to read the profiles and see if what the person is saying is close to what you are interested in. Pay a lot of attention to likes and dislikes more than physical description or employment/income status as people may tend to 'stretch' the truth on those a bit. I think that most people do not really mean to out-and-out lie, I think it is more that if they sound more attractive, both physically and financially, they may be more apt to get a connection.
I remember when I was a member of an online dating service there was this man who said that he was looking for someone who would be interested in a relationship when he was in-town. He was prepared to buy a condo, provide a car, and make sure all physical needs were taken care of when he was not in town. All he asked was that when he was in-town that 'she' be available for him and his needs. Now, number one there was no picture (and what is your first clue that this is not on the up and up) and he gave no other information about his likes/dislikes, location, etc. Well, me being the curious type, after all I am a Leo, I did message him. I know, I know, but hey who wouldn't?! Well surprise/surprise I received a auto-responder message back saying that he was receiving too many responses and that he would get back to me as soon as possible (ya right). Well, I just put that one aside and didn't think about it again until a month or so later when I received a message from him. Basically what it came down to was that he was married and wanted a 'sure thing' when he was in-town. Oh the condo, ya he rented an apartment here, no condo. A car, sure if you can say "taxi" and pay for it. Oh, and his appearance, well after brushing him off many times after his 'confession' he sent me a picture in hopes that I might be interested. Let's just say that he was NOT my type. In truth, I wouldn't have gone for it anyways...the whole thing just peaked my Leo interest.
Anyways, I went off with that story, sorry. I just want to say don't be nervous. Go out there and have a look and connect if you feel it is interesting (always/always be safe and please do read my page on safety). Also, have some fun. Just take your time. There are lots of people out there and lots of different membership sites. Explore...you just never know what you might find.
Until next time.
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Leith
Feel free to dop me a note if you have comments, questions or suggestions.
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
Connecting Online - Works for all Generations!!
Tonight I want to talk about the difference of connecting online between the generations.
People that are in the 18 -25ish age range will not only find using the computer like a third hand, but will not be intimidated by connecting with someone through online dating. Most people in this age range are so use to email, instant messaging and cell phone/video messaging that this type of contact will be easy and exciting. It is a wonderful way to find friends from all over the world as well as potential love matches. Be honest and open about who you are and what you are into and expect the same from your connection. Remember, you have lots of time and opportunities to 'settle down' so enjoy the moment and don't push too hard or too fast. Make lots of connections and enjoy!
People that are in the 50 and over age range will probably not be as comfortable with the computer and online contact. Depending on which age level you fall, you may be very computer literate or just trying it out. For any age, but especially this age group, it is so wonderful to be able to reach out and find friends and potential love matches. A good number of people in this group are starting over after a divorce or death of a partner. Many may feel that they don't have another chance at love. Not so!! You have equal opportunity, if not more, because of life experience and being more open to the little flaws here and there that the path of life has brought us.
Wouldn't it be great if you and your child/parent/grandparent fround love at the sametime? Hey maybe you could have a double wedding!!
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Leith
Feel free to dop me a note if you have comments, questions or suggestions.
Tuesday, March 23, 2004
Online Dating - A Tragedy
I am sure a good number of you have read about the tragic murder of a man visiting a woman he met online. I am not going to name him out of respect for his family and friends, but will say that I am sincerely sorry for their loss and wish them strength during this difficult time.
I have addressed the issue of security in this blog and on my website (see my security page). Please read this page and my previous entries.
There is no way on knowing if this man knew the circumstances surrounding the woman he had connected with online. She may have kept silent about her ex-husband, or she may have told him the details and he felt protective towards her. Unless you are part of the family, or a friend, we probably will never know.
I do not want to make anyone fearful of online dating or cyber connections. I know first hand that they can be wonderful and safe. However, it is very important that you do take certain precautions, whether you meet someone online, through a phone service or in person. Remember, this is a stranger and may, or may not, be completely open about what is going on in their life. Take time to get to know them, talk on the phone, ask questions, lots of them. Most of all, feel secure when you finally meet.
A man had died in a very terrible way over wanting to find love, which started online. Make no mistake about it, this can happen with someone you know well, it certainly isn't 'just' because it was an online connection. We all have to be careful no matter what avenue we take in the pursuit of love.
Wishing you all a safe and happy love connection tonight!
Leith
Feel free to dop me a note if you have comments, questions or suggestions.
Saturday, March 20, 2004
How Can I Tell?
I recently had a question from a reader who asked "how can I tell if he/she is single or married?"
This is something that may be very difficult to determine right away when you are communicating online. Part of the problem is that you probably both work during the day so come on line at night, possibly late at night. If he/she says he/she can only meet you around a certain time at night this may be an indication that there is a "significant other". If you know their work or family obligations, this may mean nothing at all. Another indication is if 'they' all of a sudden go off line without warning. They may come back and say the computer crashed, which may very well be true, but if it keeps happening, if could be that someone walked by the computer at the wrong time.
It would be wonderful if you could trust everything that someone tells you online. My belief is that the majority of people will be straight up as they know what they do and do not want and don't want to waste their time or yours. But there is the minority, who are in bad relationships, married or not, who for a number of reasons are still there but looking for something outside of that relationship. One of the best ways to determine IF this may be a possibility is to arrange a time to meet online outside of the norm. If there is huge resistance, be careful. If you are further into the relationship and talking on the phone, if 'they' will only give you a cell number and no home phone number, be careful. Also, if 'they' say 'they' cannot talk to you or meet you during the day(sometimes), on weekends (most of the time), or at night during the week (except certain days), that is a very good indication something is just not right. Now this is, to a certain degree, a generalization, because people do work nights and weekends, but not the majority and you would know by now if 'they' did.
The best advice is to look for behaviour that is out of the ordinary and trust your "gut" instinct. If something inside of you is nawing at you every time you get off the computer, or the phone, there may be a very real reason to examine what exactly it is that upsets you. Do say something to your online love as there could be a number of reasonable explanations as to why. Maybe they are just nervous or scared. However, if you still feel something in the "pit of your stomach" you no doubt already know that answer. What you do then is up to you. I just hope whatever you do is what you would want for yourself.
Stay tuned for more love online!
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**Leith
Feel free to dop me a note if you have comments, questions or suggestions.
Friday, March 19, 2004
Chemistry
I was writing about Local Online Relationships/Distant Online Relationships at my site tonight and one of the issues that really struck me was "chemistry".
When you meet someone in person, whether at a party, sporting event, bar, you know pretty quickly whether or not you have "chemistry". When it comes to online dating, you see a profile, a picture, talk to the person through instant messages or email and "chemistry" does not come into the thought process.
One of the wonderful things of an online relationship is that you can get to know someone so well before you ever meet them. This simply does not happen in real life. In real life, you may take one look at a person and write them off. That person could be someone who could be the love of your life, but one look (not "chemistry" here) and the chance is lost.
The downside, or possible downside, is that you develop this online relationship, become very close, talk on the phone and decide to meet and when you do - nothing. No "chemistry".
I am sure you all know what I mean by the word "chemistry", or more correctly 'pheromones'. It is something that radiates from us and either it attracts the other person or it doesn't. (Now, if you are a young adult male, or in some cases 'just human' it won't matter if anything radiates as long as you can bed it.) In this instance I am talking about the process of building a relationship and what happens when it just isn't there.
If you have had an online relationship and then you meet them and do not feel that 'chemistry' should you walk away? No, not in my opinion. At least not right away. Try meeting a second time under different circumstances. Maybe instead of a drink go for a walk, or dinner or a movie. Maybe it was tension on the first meeting that caused the problem. If you try a second, third, maybe even fourth time and it still 'is not there' then let that aspect of the relationship go. Remember that you two have developed a bond that you may be able to turn into a friendship. This is easier if you both feel the same way. Incredibly difficult if one does and the other doesn't. Ya, it can really hurt!
The joy of finally meeting is such a powerful and magical experience.... may it be what you dreamed it would be!!
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Leith
Feel free to dop me a note if you have comments, questions or suggestions.
Thursday, March 18, 2004
Local versus Long Distance Cyber Relationships
If you have been following along in my blog and my site you will have noticed that I have a new page up called Love Hurdles. I have started to cover what can happen when you meet someone through online dating compared to online dating long distance. I hope everyone knows that "Cyber" is simply another term for online and has no other reference (at this point) :-)
Do have a boo at the new page. I haven't completed it yet as not only is it a difficult subject but it is very personal to me as well. You see I have had both experiences.
One long distance relationship I had was very lovely. He was (and is I am sure) and exteremly nice man and we spent a great deal of time online and on the phone. In fact, it was the highlight of my day when he would sign into instant messenger and/or call. Of course, the best part was when he came to visit.
The downfall of a long distance relationship can be, unfortunately, the distance. It may have nothing to do with who you are or how you feel about each other, but it takes an incredible amount of love and determination to keep going month after month, and sometimes year after year, of not seeing each other. I absolutely admire couples who stay together in this scenario and finally come together and spend the rest of their lives happily and as one.
An online dating relationship, within the city/province/state, does not necessarily mean that you are going to have it any easier in truth. It is easier as you do get to see each other, though maybe not as often as you wish. The other part of this is that with a long distance relationship you have a huge amount of time to really get to know each other before you really spend any time together or you are finally together.
I completely believe that "we" are meant to meet our 'soulmate'. It is strange sometimes the path we take to get there. If you are open to the possibility, as online dating offers you, then you may find that one that was destined for you. Don't laugh. Sure I have had my not so good experiences in the cyber world, but the man I married I met at an online dating service and I can honestly say that I would not have met him if it wasn't for that and I know I did meet my soulmate.
Stay tuned....subjects coming up are "cyber" (I am sure you know what I mean). Also, yes even over 40's can find love (as a matter of fact expect a whole new section on the pre and baby boomer online dating exeperience soon!!)
'til next time
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Leith
Feel free to dop me a note if you have comments, questions or suggestions.
Saturday, March 13, 2004
Online Connecting
I was thinking tonight about my first online dating connection. Now I am not talking about meeting someone in a chat room, or through instant messanger (I will talk about that another time). Let's just look at the "first time" in an online dating site.
Isn't your "first time" always important? Your first date, your first boyfriend/girlfriend, your first kiss, etc. Well with online dating it is very similar.
Making the decision as to what online dating service you should join is difficult, that's why I recommend trying a few. Most of them are free to try and if one works better than the other, get a membership, get a couple, they are not that expensive and increase your chances.
Ok, so you are in the site and you see someone interesting, or, surprise, someone contacts you and this special someone looks interesting to you as well. Now what?
If you haven't already, check out their profile and picture. If they don't have a picture ask them if they will send you one. If they don't want to publish a picture, you have to ask why. Something is not right, they have something to hide or they are not comfy with who they are (unless they simply don't have a recent picture and/or a scanner). If you don't get a straight answer ....seriously, let it go and move on.
Anyways, my first time I remember seeing a picture of this man who had long dark hair, looked tall, slim and he just had a look in his eyes that I liked. His profile was nice, and he lived close by. So I thought I would message him. I remember that first night we spent so much time talking back and forth on the computer, it was wonderful, exciting, and I didn't feel alone. I could hardly wait to get up the next day to see if he was there!! Just to let you know, this relationship lasted over a year (in person).
So, yes the first time is something you will never forget. Treasure it. The first time may also be the last time, who knows. All I can say is go and find out....this could be you!!
'til next time
**kisses**
Leith
Feel free to dop me a note if you have comments, questions or suggestions.
Friday, March 12, 2004
Love Online - Being Secure
Friday night and if you are home on the computer wishing you were out on a date or in a relationship, I hope you took my advice last night and checked out an online dating site many listed on this page.
What I wanted to cover a bit tonight is the security side of connecting with a stranger online. Yes, in the beginning they are a stranger. This is a huge issue, which I will cover in detail on the site. For now I just wanted to alert you to being a 'bit' careful when you first start out. Always remember that you do not know who it is your are talking to, nor do they know who you are, at least not right off the bat. As I said last night, develop a 'handle', something fun and maybe sexy. I'm sure you can come up with something that describes "you". This is a good way to get to know someone at a bit of an arms length. Want to give them your email address...go for it. BUT make sure that you have created an email address, say in yahoo or msn, that has your "handle@hotmail.com for example. That way you can chat out of the dating site, if you wish, but you are still safe, or safer.
I don't want to scare anyone. It is just better to be safe than sorry. I could tell you stories, and I will as time goes on.
Do go 'surfing'....have fun....read profiles....view pictures...connect/connect/connect. Ms or Mr right could be just sitting there waiting for you to sign on right now ;-)
I will be here to help you along the online highway to Love!
*kisses*
Leith
Feel free to dop me a note if you have comments, questions or suggestions.
Thursday, March 11, 2004
Highway to Love
Well as most of us know, the highway to love can be full of 'potholes'. My hope with this blog and the website is to help you along the way.
Tonight I want to talk about the Should I or Shouldn't I question.
No matter what age range you are in, the weekend is about to arrive and if you don't have a 'date' or 'boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/partner' the thought of a weekend is dismal...right? It doesn't have to be!
Online dating may sound funny to a few, familiar to some, and scary to others, but in truth this is not a new concept. If you think about emails or instant messanger, new connections are common. Especially on instant messanger if you allow all contacts so anyone can pop in and say 'HI'. One of the problems with that is you have no idea who might be saying "HI".
If you wander into an online dating site, number one you can begin the process for free. Secondly, you can provide information in your profile as to whether you want male/female connections, what age group, among so many other things you require/desire. When you do this, always make sure you have a 'handle', something people will know you by that is not your real name (like "lovinu"). (I will tell you mine one day I promise :-)
So, don't let the weekend alone get you down. Check out the information on my site, take the plunge and try out an online dating service, or all of them if you wish, and see what happens. Chances are Sunday night will come along and you will not know where the time has gone. Bet you will have many new 'friends' as well!
The only thing I want to caution you about is please/please do not give out your real name, phone number or address until you know a person well. No matter how good it sounds, unless it is a friend of a friend DO NOT meet them in person, or if you are bound and determined to do that, make sure it is in a public place and you have told a friend where you are going and when you expect to be home. I will go into security in more detail tomorrow or the next day, but just in case you start out tonight I just want to make sure you are careful.
I will be here to help you along the online highway to Love!
*kisses*
Leith
Feel free to dop me a note if you have comments, questions or suggestions.
Tuesday, March 09, 2004
Online Dating - A Fair of Love is new to the blog world. Our site, Online Dating Resources is relatively new as well. So Hi All!!
My goal of this blog is to talk about everything involved with online dating. If you have visited our site you will see that we are not new to online dating. But not only that, I, personally, have a great deal of knowledge from being a moderator on a chat and seeing relationships build and other relationships fall apart. So I am here to help you find love and hopefully avoid the pitfalls along the way.
Come join us as we help you along the online highway to Love!
Feel free to dop me a note if you have comments, questions or suggestions.
Sunday, March 07, 2004
