Online Dating - A Fair Of Love
Wednesday, April 28, 2004
Online Dating - He Wants to Call Me!!
I received a message asking what she should do now that he wants to call her. Just by the question you can see that she is not too secure about the idea.
If you have met someone through an online dating site and have been communicating for a period of time it is natural that one, or both, will want to take the next step. The phone call. This can be very exciting, but at the same time a bit scary because you still do not 'really' know who it is you are talking to.
My suggestion is if he/she wants to talk to you then get their phone number and you call. But when you call, make sure you put a block on your phone number. Where I live it is *69, check your phone book to see what it is in your area or your country. This way you can have a nice long and relaxed conversation with him/her without worrying that they may call back when you don't want them to. Towards the end of the call you may feel comfortable enough to give out your phone number. If you have a cell phone, give that number. Remember you have only talked to them once.
The other side of this is if you have been communicating online for a long time and you have talked and seen each other through the computer then this precaution may not be necessary. I think if you stop and listen you will feel in your 'gut' whether you need to be careful or not.
When you talk, do have fun. In most cases this will be the first time you have heard each other's voices. Oh how that can make a difference. Maybe he has a nice deep voice that you love or she has a raspy sexy voice that drives you crazy. The phone call can be the beginning of such wonderful dreams and desires and move the online dating to the next level.
P.S. Make sure you take a washroom break before you start the call!!!
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Leith
Do dop me a note. It's so wonderful to hear from you all!!
Monday, April 26, 2004
The Wonders Of Love
There is something magical that happens when you connect with someone that you have such a strong emotion for. Not only does your mind start to think about so many possibilities of the two of you being together, but your body starts to produce all sorts of chemicals. You feel better, look better, laugh more, colours are brighter, may/may not sleep more and may/may not eat more. Ahhhhhhhhhhh love....isn't it a great feeling!!
With an online love you are not faced with the normal day to day kind-of trials and tribulations. This makes the online love even more powerful. This kind of connection gives you the chance to think about everything you say or do. You can send ecards, poetry, *kisses* and so much more. It is without a doubt the best feeling in the world.
IF you feel you are never going to meet someone to love I urge you to take the chance and join an online dating membership site. I never would have believed that I would find the love of my life that way, but I did. I can honestly say that I never would have met him in person. That is one of the wonderful aspects of connecting online, the person you meet may be from Spain and you are in Alaska, but love knows no distance, it's only up to you to bridge the gap.
Yes, the wonders of love!!
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Leith
Feel free to dop me a note if you have comments, questions or suggestions.
Sunday, April 25, 2004
Love Online - How Far Should I go? (part 2)
I wanted to discuss this a little bit further after my last post.
Relationships, whether online or off, have a lot to do with the lifestyle you have chosen for yourself and what your partner has chosen or decided that they can accept. There are many couples out there who have a very open relationship. In relation to online love, this can mean that both people are involved in this, possibly with the intetion of meeting ,or no intention of meeting, the person they are communicating with. Another side is that the 'partner' is aware of your online communication even if they have no desire to do this themselves. Open relationships are very different as everyone knows what is going on and what the ground rules are (if there are any rules).
What I was saying in my post yesterday is you know if you have gone to far if you are asking the question. If you, your partner, the person you are communicating with are all aware of the situation(s) then there may never be "going to far".
I think the best way to view this is ask yourself if you would be comfy if the person you love was doing what you are doing - would it upset or hurt you. If the answer is no, either you don't love the person as much as you think you do, or you know that they would not care one way or the other. An open relationship.
I personally do not have that kind of an open relationship. I don't want it and neither does he. We are happy just being with each other, that is our choice. In the past I have been quite happy to be involved online and offline with all parties aware of what was going on. I've had many 'encounters', in all sorts of ways, online and don't regret any of them as no one was hurt. On the other side, I was involved with an online love who I thought was being "faithful" as I was and this turned out to be false. Yes I was hurt, badly.
So as long as everyone agrees there is no harm, no foul. Have fun, enjoy your moments, play, love, as much as you want. It is a wonderful experience, there is no doubting that.
Happy Typing!!
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Leith
Feel free to dop me a note if you have comments, questions or suggestions.
Friday, April 23, 2004
Love Online - How Far Should I Go?
When you are communicating with someone online you tend to share more of each other than you do in person. There are a number of reasons for this. One of the reasons is that the person you are communicating with cannot see you or hear you. It's easier to type personal information, feelings. etc., because it is 'safe'. It's 'safe' because you are not going to hear a bad tone of voice back, a bad word, a bad look, it's 'safe'. No matter what the other person may think of what you just typed chances are they will take a minute or so to answer and it will probably be a nicer answer than it would be in person because they have time to think and because you cannot see a facail expression. Nice to be 'safe' but this can also lead to feelings that may not be quite 'real'. How wonderful that the person on the other side of the screen does not judge you for past mistakes, does not care that your hair is a mess, laughs (LOL) at your jokes. Ahhhh....online love.
So how far is too far. Well, if you are single, meaning not living with a partner and no girlfriend/boyfriend, hey there is not such a thing as too far online as long as you are both in agreement and both adults. If you live with a partner, have a girlfriend/boyfriend, then yes it is easy to go too far. Too far can be hiding the screen when your partner walks by. Too far can be staying up after your partner goes to bed or getting up after they are asleep. Too far is when you are doing something that you are trying to cover up. If there is someone that is in your life that can be hurt by it, not only can it hurt them but it can hurt you. Most likely it will hurt you both.
Online dating/online love affairs can be magical, wonderful, endorphin producing moments that make your day and satisfy your nights. Yep, been there done that!
The answer? You know how far is too far, don't you?!
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Leith
Feel free to dop me a note if you have comments, questions or suggestions.
Thursday, April 22, 2004
Updated - Online Dating Resources!!!
I am very happy to tell you that I now have all the new links and pages uploaded at my site Online Dating Resources. I have been working on it for a couple of weeks now. I wanted to make it easier for you to move through the site, give you new and exciting links (oh check them out!!) and more articles/tips/information articles to help you along the Online Dating love highway.
You can get the most popular general online dating sites at love links We now have a special section for 'baby boomers sites', 'adult oriented sites', 'regligious sites', 'same sex sites', 'specialty sites', 'sexyads sites' (check these out), 'on and offline personal connection sites' and to finish this wonderful section off 'links to experience - specials for him/her'.
I am very exctied about this new look, pages and new links. I look forward to hearing from you...the good, bad and ugly....be nice this has been a lot of work to give you all the best that I can. Keep watching, I will be giving you more!!
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**Leith
Feel free to dop me a note if you have comments, questions or suggestions.
Wednesday, April 21, 2004
Too Much Sex??!!
I was reading an article in the paper today that said that people in, now don't quote me on the location, but I believe it was Taiwan, are having too much sex. Seems that the majority of people there are very active, more active than most other countries, but the 'medical professionals' believe it is not good for their health.
Now, I read something else just about a week ago that said having sex frequently was good for both men and women. For men it apparently helps to prevent prostrate cancer, for women it apparently helps to prevent cervical cancer. Not only that, it apparently helps balance your weight, helps your skin, and general overall feeling of well being. Of course in this we are talking about a monogamous relationship or protective (condom) sexual relations.
As they say "use it or lose it".
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Leith
Feel free to dop me a note if you have comments, questions or suggestions.
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
Lovin' Online
The newspapers have had a number of articles about online dating the last few days...did you notice?! Well, they are saying that it is now becoming "main stream" to belong to online dating membership sites and that many have been members for years now. For most of you out there this is not news at all. Online connections/dating has been part of our lives. Yes, some kept it to themselves as 'we' thought our friends might make fun of us. Amazing to see and read that the majority of singles have been here for a number of years now and are quite proud to say they are. Not only proud but having fun and finding love. Hey, we don't have to stay in the closet any longer!!"
Sorry couldn't resist!!
The new pages for Online Dating Resources are just about done and should be up before the end of the week (whew what a lot of work, but great fun).
If you check the site now you will see new that some things have been added already. New love links and I finally put a
up.....so hope to see lots of messages!! Now...don't be shy!!
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Leith
Feel free to dop me a note if you have comments, questions or suggestions.
Friday, April 16, 2004
Reach Out and Touch Someone
I was thrilled to get a wonderful love story last night through my contact form. It is now up on the Success-Stories page at the site. I had to cut it back a bit (hope you understand S.W.) but I plan to feature these stories in full as the site expands. Do go have a look, gives you faith in all sorts of ways.
For those of you who are new to the site, I need to warn you that I am about to make some changes. Ya, just like a woman huh....moves the furniture all the time! (no offense) I tend to make minor changes here and there on a regular basis, but the site has grown to the point now that I need to make it easier for you to get around. Before I start, any suggestions?
TGIF....enjoy!!
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Leith
Feel free to dop me a note if you have comments, questions or suggestions.
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
You are telling me you want.....
Interesting title, how did you read it?!
Ahhhh...I think we can all read it in different ways. Sorry to be such a tease! (I love it)
I asked the other day for some feedback on what you would like from Online Dating Resources. It's great to get so many replies in such a short time. Please keep them coming!
There are a few suggestions that are top of the list from what I have heard so far. I am going to do something special on the index page in the next week, which will address a couple of issues. I will also be creating more detailed links pages, and I am going to look into developing a chat program that I would like to have open a few days a week for an hour or so at a time. It's still a toss up between chat and forum, though the majority, so far, think that a chat is more interactive and immediate. For some of the other suggestions, I need to do some research, but promise I will write about it soon or you will see the changes on the site. Keep those suggestions coming!!
I am also hearing that you would like to see who you are talking to. So you think I should find a pic of "Moi" so you can see who you are talking too. Fair request
Happy onlining!!
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Leith
Feel free to dop me a note if you have comments, questions or suggestions.
Sunday, April 11, 2004
Online Dating - What Are You Looking For?
One of the main reasons I started Online Dating Resources was to help others that are involved in an online dating membership site or were thinking of joining an online dating membership site. I wanted to share as much information as I could from my own experience, both with online dating and with moderating a chat where I was part of, and saw, many relationships build and fall apart. Am I creating the type of site that I hoped to?
Yes I am asking you if what you see at the site, to this point, is what I am trying to achieve. I do the best I can to add more information, more links, tips and advice (advice in this blog especially on almost a daily basis), but I am just not sure that I am reaching who I want to reach. I know that emailing or filling in a form, to most, is not a top priority. But I want you all to realize that what I am doing here is really to help anyone who is in or facing the same things I have been through. It's important to me. Yes...it really is!!
So tonight I am asking, "What are you looking for?" What can I do that will make your journey easier, or what can I do to ease your fears so that you make that first step? I really need your feedback. If you would be kind enough to fill in my contact form I would really appreciate it. If you would rather, you can email me. I would like to hear so I know if I am on the right path or if I need to change direction.
Today I had a message saying that one of 'his problems' with online dating was competition. This sort-of follows what I was talking about last night, at least in my eyes. "Competition" is something we deal with on a day-to-day basis. Usually through work, but in our personal lives as well. What I said to him was that dealing with "competition" was basically not worth the effort, in truth. To take a step back a bit, male to male competition is different than female to female competition. Male to male is usually a 'rough and tumble' or 'money and possesions' kind of thing. With females I think is more 'appearance' and 'possesions' and to a certain degree 'fertility' ( big boobs to show they can reproduce, why do you think there are implants). In the 'big bad world' I do think, unfortunately, that men want money and power and women want men with money and power. Does it make either happy, sometimes, in the long run, probably not.
In my dealings with online dating sites and, certainly, moderating a chat, if there is anything that I learned is most men and women want love. If you break that down, it covers friendship, compassion, similar interests, chemistry, etc. Money and power enters, for the most part, with people who are either not to comfy with who they are, and what they look like, or they believe they cannot get anyone to love them without it.
How to deal with 'competition', good question. I don't think any of us deal with it well. If you have met someone online and it has been going well be all of sudden the contact fades because they have met someone 'more goodlooking', 'richer', etc., and you are feeling rejected and hurt, try to let it go. Easy to say, hard to do, I know. Bottom line, if it was 'money' or 'good looks' (to name a couple) then who THEY are is purely superficial. Not worth the time to type or talk.
'Competition' is going to be out there whether we face it in person or online. That is just a fact of life. The one advantage that each of us has is that every one of us is unique. We should rejoyce in that. The person you met yesterday may not appreciate your 'uniqueness'. The person you meet tomorrow may rejoice in your 'uniqueness'.
I do promise you that I am I here to help you along 'love's highway'.
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**Leith
Feel free to dop me a note if you have comments, questions or suggestions.
Saturday, April 10, 2004
Dealing With Rejection
I received a message today from a man saying that one of his problems with online dating was "dealing with rejection". I was lucky enough to be able to ask him to explain in a bit more detail so that I could answer him and bring you some of the information here.
Fear of rejection faces each and every one of us, whether it be real life or online life. We 'fear rejection' because we take that kind of action as an action against us personally. Now, I can here most of you saying "well of course it is personally against us". In actuall fact, it really has nothing to do with us, not as a person.
Whether we connect with someone in person or online the chances are that someone "better" may come along. Taller/shorter, light hair/dark hair, fat/thin, brown eyes/green eyes. In truth, all of this is not as important as you think and certainly not to be taken as a rejections AGAINST YOU!!
My belief is that when you are suppose to meet the right one, you will. The others you meet along the way may become playmates, may be tossed aside (or they toss you aside), or become friends. But if, for whatever reason it is not working, let the universer take care of it and know there is something better out there for you.
Ok, that's a nice philosophy, I can hear you saying that. Is it easy to take? Not on a bet. Can you just pick yourself up and dust yourself off, yes, maybe in time.
If you have met someone through an online dating site and you have developed what you believe to be a really good relationship with excellent possibilities and then he/she drops you, well no amount of philosophy is going to make you feel better. In all sorts of areas there is major competition out there. The best you can do is be yourself, protray you as who you are, be open and honest with the person you are trying to build a relationship with, but don't give your heart away to quickly. We all know it can hurt.
I really do want to go into this in more detail. I am going to do a bit more research with others I know that have used online dating membership sites and see what there opinions are on this issue. Stay tuned. Much more to come!!
On another note...were you lucky enough to be a "bunny" this weekend
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Leith
Feel free to dop me a note if you have comments, questions or suggestions.
Friday, April 09, 2004
SpringTime...Birds and the Bees
Well I think we all know what happens when the weather warms up and the days grow longer. There is something about this time of year that brings out the drive to "connect" in one way or another. Not sure of what to do?
Let me help you along!
There are certain times of the year when it is very hard to be alone. The birth of spring is one of them. Yes it is easier to get out and walk, sit in the park, sit at a cafe and enjoy a coffee....but does any of this help you to find someone to share this rebirth of the earth? Maybe you see someone that attracts you, but chances are you do not feel bold enough, or safe enough to make that move. It is much easier to do online.
If you have read my blog before you will know that I met my husband through an online dating membership site. Did I expect it to happen? No. Did I want it to happen? Maybe. Am I glad it did? You bet!! This is what I want for you! So take a chance. Check out the wonderful links (and reviews) I have on my site.
As a side note to the individual who left me a tiny note on my contact form. No not all members of online dating sites are fat and toothless. (Please note that just because someone is bald and/or toothless does not mean that they are not a wonderful human being!!) If you have experienced deceit, then I am very sorry. What you have to do, as much as possible, is make sure you have enough information about a person before you get too involved or meet them. The best surprise is no surprise, unless she/he is more than what you expected.
Hope you all have a wonderful long weekend. Make sure you have a connection or two!
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**Leith
Feel free to dop me a note if you have comments, questions or suggestions.
Wednesday, April 07, 2004
We Made It!!
This little tid-bit is not normal for us here at Online Dating Resources, but I have to say I am so happy to see that I finally have a page rank in Google. I have been working this site so hard so you can find us, and I knew that we were listed, but very low, and just tonight we finally came up in a PR and now I hope more will be able to find us!!
My excitement, of course, has an awful lot to do with providing you with links to great online dating membership sites I have found, and other really excellent links, but more than that my goal is to provide you with information I (we) have gathered in our experiences with online dating memberships, and online contacts in general. I so wanted this site to start registering higher in the ranks because I really felt that I could help and inform. That is very important when you are on the 'online highway to love'.
So Yeeeeeeeeehaaaaaaaaa...we are here now!!
No where near #1 yet, but you're going to help get me there aren't you!!
I also have to say that the emails I get are great and I do answer them personally. Anyone who follows my blog knows that I bring the subject up here for everyone and do not identify who has sent the original message. But I would sure like to get something going on the site. What do you think of a forum or a chat room?
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**Leith
Feel free to dop me a note if you have comments, questions or suggestions.
Monday, April 05, 2004
Online Dating Love Links
I have been searching around looking for new love links and specialty links and so I have a couple of new ones up. Do check them out!! I am working with a company on some new ads, very special ones, that I hope you will find Really intersting. Can't tell, yet. I know...I'm bad ;-)
A message I received recently asked how they could tell if this was infatuation, and if it was should they bolt now? This is a very indepth answer, which there is no way that I can actually answer in a blog, or even answer completely myself. What I do know from experience, my own and others, is that IF you feel such a strong desire to be with someone 24 hours a day/7 days a week or you can't function, chances are that it is infatuation/dependence/addiction. Now, I am not talking about the beginning of a relationship. I mean the chemicals are working overtime so you can hardly think straight never mind make any rational decision as to what is really happening.
My advise, in this case, was since it was still early in the relationship, don't make any decisions yet. Let time show you if this is more than infatuation for either of you. My other advice is, even if it is only infatuation, hey enjoy it!! Unless you have some very solid feelings for the other person right away, why not just enjoy what is happening and see where it goes.
If you are still reading this blog and haven't jumped into the online dating pool, give it a try (that water is wonderful) or if you are still uncertain, drop me a note.
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**Leith
Feel free to dop me a note if you have comments, questions or suggestions.
Saturday, April 03, 2004
Cyber Sex
If you have read a page or two on my Online Dating Resources site you know that I was a moderator of a chat. In fact, I was part of designing and building it, with several other people from many different countries. We had a main room for just basic chatting and several other rooms for specific topics which changed or rotated every night. I was a moderator in the main chat room most of the time, but I also held specfic topics, two of them being online romance and long distant relationships. I was very familiar with both.
You are probably asking, at this point, what all this has to do with Cyber Sex. Well give me a few :-)
Anyone that has gone into a chat room, adult or not (unfortunately) has probably been IM'd by someone saying "A/R/S" or something similar, followed by something like "hey want to cyber" or something not printable here. Basically what it means is, and excuse me if anyone is offened by the statement, 'mutual masterbation' or by some people 'one handed typing'. This attempt at 'cyber sex' is not usually welcomed by one of the parties. However, make no mistake about it, there are many out there who not only welcome it but are addicted to it. I have known many, through my involvement as a chat moderator, who have spent many many hours 'cybering' with anyone and everyone with no clue who they are and no interest of who they are. Before I go much further, let me talk about the relationship side of 'cyber sex'.
One of the things that happens with online relationships/long distant relationships is that you want to be as close to the other person as possible. Yes you can share words, pictures, possibly even video or talk to each other through the computer. As the relationship progresses this just doesn't seem enough, even if you are now talking on the phone for hours at a time. The next step, in most cases, but not all, is "Cyber Sex".
The difference between the two scenerios is that 'cyber sex' with no relationship, and possibly not even knowing the other persons name, is that it is pure 'mutual masterbation' and no more. In an online relationship/long distant relationship it is much more the 'mutual masterbation'. People who care deeply for each other have been involved in 'cyber sex' long before the term was ever invented. In fact, it would have been called 'phone sex' which I am sure even to this day goes on between lovers who are seperated for one reason or another.
I hope that I have not offened anyone by talking about this subject. I do believe it is something that should be discussed for many reasons, one being explotation of children, but that is a subject for another night. If you want more information on this topic or discuss something that is happening with you please contact me.
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Leith
Feel free to dop me a note if you have comments, questions or suggestions.
Friday, April 02, 2004
No Message
I had an email from a woman a bit upset because she had been in contact with someone online that she thought was really interested in her and then all of sudden the messaging stopped. I wanted to talk about this here to help all of you as well.
One of the wonderful benefits of being involved in an online dating service is connecting with people, especially when you find someone you click with. You get up in the morning and log in to see if he/she is there and when you come home from work, the computer is the first place you go (well maybe the second ;-)
The rush you get from a connection with someone online is almost as strong as the chemical connection that you have with someone you meet in person that you are attracted to. It is a high, no doubt about that. In some respects it is so much of a high that you can tend to forget the reality of life. Well, yes, you go to bed, sleep, get up, go to work, eat, etc., but the computer becomes a draw to you because you know that your special someone is just waiting for you to log in and you can't wait to be with them.
So what is wrong if all of a sudden the messaging stops. It could be a number of things, but let's just look at the first possible cause - their computer crashed. It is very possible that it is a computer/connection problem. Let's think that one first. Next could be that their membership ran out. Hey they could be in the process of renewing it right now! The other, unfortunately, could be that he/she has found someone else, or even worse, the husband/wife found out. I know, the last part is not what you want to think is happening. In the majority of cases it's not.
The main thing is to not panic too quickly. I am sure most of us have gone through the computer or connection crash where we have been down for hours and sometimes days. Have a bit of faith for a 'certain amount of time'. If you haven't haven't seen him/her when you are online in the online dating site for a fair amount of time, chances are that there is someone else or worse case scenerio is that the 'better half' found out (you bet they are out there). If you sign into the online dating site but they go off as soon as you show up, you know something is up. It could be any of what I have mentioned above.
My answer to "No Message" was give it a bit of time to see what might be a ver basic problem. Not to give up to quickly. Even if you think of the other possibilities I have covered they may not be the cause.
Hope you find your love online tonight!!
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Leith
Feel free to dop me a note if you have comments, questions or suggestions.
